i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
