you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
