A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm at about main and main street
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
