my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
