I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
