you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
