I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
