I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
