Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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