Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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