im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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