she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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