I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
