so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
