she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
