We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
