I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
