i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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