Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
