Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
