You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
