Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
How naked do you want me to be?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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