Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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