I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
