Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
