I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
