i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
