and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
