What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Randomize
