I want to stick my p in your. b.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
