5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
