someone threw a dead crab at me
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
