it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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