And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
