508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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