Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
