the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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