How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
be right there i have to get my cape
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
