Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
did i walk over a car last night?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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