she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
