community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
