ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
