just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
