Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
