wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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