thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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