Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
