I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
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