Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
