awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
