Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
